What If You Want More From Your Hookup Buddy?
A friends with benefits relationship can be an amazing set-up to have with someone, but it can also get complicated. I've had a lot of different friends with benefits - some that have only lasted a few months, some that lasted over a year - and I've never had any problems. In fact, I'm still friends with nearly all the people I've had this arrangement with. Part of the reason we can still be cool with each other is that we all were good at compartmentalizing sex and romantic feelings. It meant that there was never that awkwardness of one of us falling for the other - but I know that's not possible for everyone. I've seen it happen with my friends and, as you'll know if it's happening to you, it can be a really tricky place to be.
Firstly, if you go into it with one of you having feelings for the other and hoping they'll come around, then it's not friends with benefits - it's essentially torturing yourself. "I think the first question that should be asked is to yourself. Do you even want a casual sexual relationship?" relationship therapist Aimee Hartstein, LCSW tells Bustle. "So many women end up in these situations because they are hoping that the guy will eventually become their boyfriend. In reality, that's not a great reason to have a friend with benefits. More often than not it ends up being painful and upsetting. The only reason to have a no-strings attached sexual relationship is because you truly desire no-strings attached sex. Not because you are hoping it will evolve into something else."
But the truth is, some women do enjoy casual sex relationships. I've been one of those women. But what happens if you start off wanting no-strings attached arrangement but then develop feelings? Well, then you've got some decisions to make. So if you decide you want more from your friends with benefits, you're going to need to tread carefully:
Be Sure Of What You Want
Sometimes with friends with benefits, you may just be becoming attached.